How Can I be Helpful as a Visitor?

Visitors are not caregivers but they can be very helpful, especially if the patient is
confined to a bed:

  • Call the patient or family members before arriving to see if it is a good time for a visit. If you want to bring children, ask if that would be alright
  • If the person is in advanced stages of illness, visits no longer than 20-30 minutes in length are usually best
  • Try not to interfere with regular schedules. If a meal or snack arrives, encourage the patient to eat while you are there and provide whatever help the patient wants
  • If your visit is longer than 30 minutes, be sensitive to the fact the patient may need to use the toilet and may not be comfortable doing so with you there. You could offer to get the primary caregiver or offer to leave if the patient needs some privacy
  • If the patient has a craving for a certain food, but you are not sure if there are any dietary restrictions, check with a caregiver before bringing food in
  • If the patient is in bed, check the bedside table to see that it is well equipped. Are there tissues, a telephone, a full glass of water, eyeglasses if worn, lotions for skin, or lip balm for lips? If so, can you assist the patient in using any of these products?
  • If you feel comfortable, offer to comb the person’s hair or clean their face with a cool washcloth
  • If you are a regular visitor, offer to help organize or limit other visitors
  • If the patient says “I’m feeling tired” or something along those lines, respond promptly and cut the visit short
  • Sometimes patients grow tired of their surroundings. If they are able, they might enjoy sitting on a deck, or going for a walk or a drive. If they spent most or all of the day in bed, they may enjoy having their bed moved closer to a window, or having the window opened on a nice day
  • If you want to bring a present, ask family members what might be appreciated, perhaps a light blanket, new comfortable pajamas or a small radio or CD player
  • Offer to do some shopping for the patient or patient’s family
  • Be flexible as plans can change at a moment’s notice. The patient may not feel well or may want to change the day’s plan

 

As the patient’s condition worsens, they will be less able to take part in conversation, but this does not necessarily mean that visitors should stop coming. Patients may still enjoy the presence of family and loved ones and the sound of their voices, even if they are not directly involved in the conversation. The key is to do what the patient has asked, what the family requests, or what you think the patient would want.

Sometimes, people who are seriously ill do not want any visitors other than immediate family. Even long-time friends may be told that visitors should not come. The person who is ill may feel too exhausted to visit, and may feel embarrassed about physical changes that have occurred. While this may be upsetting for well-intentioned friends, it is quite common and should not be taken as a personal comment on the closeness of the relationship. Such wishes should be respected, as the comfort of the person who is ill overrides other issues.  Sending a personal letter or telephoning with a message to be communicated to the patient is one way to express some of the things you wish to say.