Sadness

Family and friends sometimes don’t know what to do with their sadness. Is it okay to cry if the patient is in the room? Is it okay to cry when friends casually ask how things are?

Crying is a normal way of releasing emotion, although some people feel more comfortable crying in private. The best response to whether it is okay to cry in front of a patient is to think about the relationship before the patient became ill. If holding back tears was the usual response then, it probably feels natural now. On the other hand, if the patient was comfortable with tears then, crying is probably okay now. In response to the question about bursting into tears, friends will likely recognize that people need to express their sadness and that tears can come on quite suddenly. In general, letting emotions come out is probably a healthier response than trying to keep them inside.

Family members may feel so much sadness that they do not want to socialize with people. Watching someone’s health gradually decline is an emotionally draining task – it is not always possible to “cheer up” or feel better in the company of others.

Sometimes people need help in figuring out whether they are feeling sad or whether they are experiencing clinical depression. People who are depressed cannot usually get out of it without assistance. Depression is a medical illness that is believed to be related to some of the chemicals in the brain, called neurotransmitters. Unlike grief, depression involves pervasive feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, worthlessness, and persistent thoughts of suicide. Check with a health care provider if sadness seems to be constant and making ordinary tasks difficult. See the reading list for books and links for assistance with grief.