Physical Closeness

Moving away from home into a hospice, hospital or other care environment often means sleeping in a single bed. Couples have less opportunity to touch or hold each other and partners miss that physical closeness. Solutions may include putting two beds together, especially if the person who is ill would have difficulty making room for someone else on a single bed. Sometimes providing children with an opportunity for close physical contact to their mother, father or other loved one is comforting. There is no need to feel embarrassed about this need, it is natural, and one can’t go back and do it differently another time. So if it suits you and your partner or children, go ahead and make the request.

The healthy partner in a relationship may also miss sexual contact and feel guilt for feeling desire when the ill partner is suffering. Such desire is normal. While intimacy may play out in a different fashion in the context of palliative care, any form of closeness between couples often provides an ongoing opportunity for expressions of affection, devotion, and love. Gentle stroking of any part of the body that promotes good feelings is a great gift that the patient can receive from their partner, and perhaps give in return. Lying next to the patient in bed or sitting behind the patient and enfolding them in their arms allows for great intimacy with minimal discomfort. Time alone to explore intimacy is an important aspect of end-of-life care. Couples may want to put a sign on the door requesting privacy.