Loneliness and Resentment

When you care for someone near the end of their life, they will be the focus of your attention, no matter where you are or what you are doing. Many regular social activities must be dropped in order to spend as much time as possible with the patient. However, friends and family have their obligations, so loneliness can be reinforced, even in the presence of friends, especially if those friends are unsure of how to offer support.

Demands on other family members can bring their resentment, as some relatives feel they are being asked to shoulder too much responsibility. Some family members may resent the patient for getting sick and making things difficult for others.

Venting these feelings is sometimes all that is needed in order to feel better. If the patient is at home, caregivers may want to find a reason to get out of the home and spend some time doing something enjoyable. People need opportunities to take breaks and re-energize. If friends have offered to help, take them up on the offer and go out for an evening with them or ask them to spend time with the patient to give you a break. No one, not even patients, can focus on illness all the time without becoming emotionally drained.

Near the end of a life-threatening illness, family and friends may feel abandoned, especially if the patient withdraws and speaks very little. Social withdrawal sometimes happens when people are near death, and should be seen as the patient’s way of preparing for death, not as a rejection of those around them. Please see When Death is Near.